Welcome To The Host Club, Exorcists
by Yuu-Pon
Summary: An akuma uses it power to send Kanda, Allen and Lavi to an unknown time and place. Rated M for wonderful language and other things that I'm not at liberty to say.
1. Chapter 1

"LAVVIII!" Allen screamed as he watched his comrade get sucked into another one of the akuma's wormholes. Lavi was sent flying out of a second one, where he hit the wall with a loud, painful thud.

"Focus on the akuma, Moyashi!" Kanda stated pushing Allen out of the way of a wormhole that opened up beneath Allen's feet.

"How are we going to beat this thing?" Lavi asked pushing away the rubble that had landed on top of him.

"Kill it, what else baka usa-" Kanda stated, or at least tried to say, before being sucked into another wormhole.

"Yuuu!" Lavi called looking around the ruins frantically.

"Don't lose your focus!" The akuma shrieked creating a wormhole that sucked both Allen and Lavi in.

* * *

Allen groaned as he slowly regained consciousness.

"Wh-where am I?" Allen asked himself as he slowing sat up. He held a hand in front of his face, watching the water run off of it. He looked around drowsily.

"A pond?" Allen stated noticing he sat in the middle of a large, shallow pond. Lavi lay slumped on the outside of the pond, and Kanda lay face down on the pavement.

"Lavi?" Allen asked shaking his comrade awake.

"Hmm?" Lavi replied drowsily

"You're alive." Allen stated before getting up from his crouch and attempted to awaken the face-planted samurai.

"BaKanda?" Allen asked, rolling Kanda over onto his back.

"What is it, Moyashi?" Kanda replied wearily, sitting up and pushing his bent nose back into place.

"YUUUU!" Lavi exclaimed, glomping his irritated friend

Kanda quickly pushed off the red-head and pointed Mugen at his throat. "What have I told you about using that name?"

" . Sorry!"

"Stop that!" Allen demanded pulling Kanda away from Lavi " Anyways, where are we?"

"I don't know. Looks like a school of sorts." Lavi replied examining the large building that surrounded them.

"Well someone seems to be here. See the lights are on in that room. We can go ask where we are." Allen suggested.

The three tracked down the room, and found themselves standing before two large doors, looking at the sign that hung above it.

"Music room #3? Damn how many does this place have?" Kanda asked as he pulled open the heavy doors. They were greeted by rose petals flying from the room.

"Fuck no. What the fuck? Why the fuck are there fucking rose petals?" Kanda stated to himself

"Welcome to the host club!" A group of men said in union, bowing before the three.


	2. Chapter 2

"Welcome to the Host Club!"

"Shit." Kanda scowled. The men gathered around the three examining them.

"Hey boss!" An orange haired boy said

"These are men." His twin continued.

"Are you sure this time?" A tall man asked, pushing his glasses back in place

"They look to be male, but the one in the center has really long hair." A short blonde boy, holding a pink bunny said climbing onto the back of another tall one

"What do you think Takashi?" he asked

"Hmm..." The one called Takashi responded

"Hey now! Don't be rude to our guests!" A blonde one stated

" Please pardon their rudeness. I'm Tamaki Suoh. Those twins over there are Hikaru and Karou , the little one and the one he's climbing on are Honey and Mori, the one always scribbling in his book is Kyoya, and this one here is Haruhi." Tamaki said gesturing to each host as he listed off their names. He pushed forward a short brown-haired boy as he said Haruhi.

"Oh. My. God." Kanda stated "Two more red-heads that piss me off...that's three Baka Usagis in all. Fuck this. If you need me I'll be in the corner."

Kanda marched over to the corner of the room, faced the wall and sulked.

"Hey! That's my corner! Get your own!" Tamaki cried

Allen looked at Haruhi carefully. 'Is there a problem?" He asked

"You're a girl." Allen stated.

"He." Karou stated

"Knows." Hikaru continued

"Her secret!" Tamaki screamed "How could you tell? Mommy! How is this possible, as her parents we must protect her!"

"Mommy?" Lavi asked

"He would be referring to me." Kyoya stated "It's very easy to notice, everyone here at the school is stupid, so they just don't."

"Haruhi! Tell your daddy you love him!" Tamaki demanded glomping Haruhi

"Senpai,I will never call you that so leave me alone!" Haruhi replied

"This place! It's filled with transvestites, gays and that guy, I think is a pedophile!" Kanda stated leaving the corner.

"What are you talking about? Honey is seventeen."

"Oooh? Is he like Yuu?" Lavi asked

"Do you want to die?!" Kanda asked unsheathing Mugen and pointing it at the red-head

"What's he talking about?" Tamaki asked Allen with a confused look on his face.

"Oh nothing... he's just saying how Kanda's nine years old but looks nineteen." Allen replied

"What! That's impossible." The twins stated in union

"Oi, Moyashi! Do you wanna die as well?"

"Shut up BaKanda!"

"Anyways. We are not here for your 'services' we just need to ask you a few questions." Lavi said turning to the most normal one, Kyoya.

"Is that so? And those questions would be?"

"Where are we, and what year is it?"

"You are at the élite Ouran Academy, and it's the year 2003."

"Shit! Did you just say 2003!" Kanda exclaimed dropping Allen heavily onto the floor.

"That I did, why? What year did you think it was?" Kyoya asked

"It was the end of the 19th century and we were battling this akuma that could create wormholes, and now we're here, at this school." Lavi replied leaning heavily on a wall, and sliding down in until he sat on the floor.

"Impossible! What drugs are you on?" Tamaki declared

"We're being completely serious." Allen replied sighing. "How will we ever get back now?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Try summoning a gate, Allen." Lavi suggested, still slumped on the floor.

"I'll try." Allen said and began.

"What do you mean by a gate?" Haruhi asked Lavi, watching Allen concentrate.

"A gate for the ark what else?" Kanda replied sipping at the tea he'd been offered.

"Ark?" Tamaki questioned for Haruhi, who was still confused.

"Do I have to explain everything to you?!" Kanda growled

"Don't get angry now!" Hikaru demanded as he hung onto his brother.

Allen let out a sigh and kicked at the air. "It's not working!" Allen yelled and Lavi groaned.

"How are we getting back now? If you can't summon a gate then...it looks like we're stuck here until we can figure something out." Lavi said leaning back so his head hit the wall hard. Lavi frowned and rubbed his head.

"Un-fucking-believable." Kanda stated and placed down his cup. " I have to fucking stay in this place with a pedophile, gays, and transvestites...joy!"

Kanda unsheathed Mugen and began taking his rage out on everything in sight.

"Eh! K-kanda! Stop!" Allen demanded and wrapped his arms around Kanda's waist. Kanda instantly stopped and forced back a blush.

"Get off me, Moyashi!" Kanda growled and Allen reluctantly did so. The short blonde boy laughed slightly and walked up to the two.

"Haru-chan?" He said spinning around to look at the girl who was forcing Tamaki off of her.

"What is it, Honey-Senpai?" She asked coming over to boy.

"I think these boys like each other! What do you think?" He smiled. Allen started laughing and wiped a tear from his eye.

"Why you little bas-" Kanda started and quickly shut his moth when he noticed Allen's glare.

"I think they do, we know gay...and these two, they are." The twins said in union, suddenly appearing behind Haruhi and Honey.

"That reminds me! We never introduced ourselves! I'm Lavi, that is Allen but call him Moyashi and over there is Yuu!" Lavi smiled.

Kanda grabbed Lavi's shirt and pushed him to he wall, knocking a vase off of the table in the process. "What have I told you about calling me by my first name? Do you want to die slowly and ever so painfully?"

"Look what you two did!" Tamaki shrieked and picked up a broken piece of vase.

"Oh god, not this again." Haruhi mumbled under her breath and Allen looked at her confused.

" You guys broke the new eight million dollar vase!" The twins said in union and Kanda released Lavi.

"I keep telling you guys, don't leave expensive vases out in the open like that!" Haruhi yelled at the other hosts.

"Excuse me, but did they say eight million?" Allen asked Kyoya, who looked up from his note-book and smiled.

"Huh? Oh yes, they just broke an eight million dollar vase." Kyoya said and smiled once again. "So, how do expect to pay for all this? I'm sure you can't afford it considering your attire."

"What's wrong with our clothes?"

"They're all torn and tattered. You three don't have the money. So, we have two options. Find the money, or work here as hosts until you pay off the debt." Kyoya smiled.

"Uhhh..." Allen questioned.

"If you work here as a host, all three of you would have to enroll here at our school. The tuition fee will be added to your tab, but if all three of you work, it'll be paid off quick." Kyoya smiled and Allen gave a slow nod.

"Sounds like a plan." Allen replied. Kyoya sighed and looked at the scene before him. Hikaru and Karou were kicking Lavi, while Honey clung onto Mori's back and laughed. Tamaki was crying in the corner, probably about Haruhi not calling him 'daddy' and Haruhi tried to keep Kanda from joining in on the beating.

"Haruhi, come here a moment." Kyoya called and she walked reluctantly over.

"I'm not paying for that." She stated, crossing her arms.

"Do you know a place these three can stay? Some small apartment, perhaps?"

"Umm... I think there's one down the hall from me for rent. I can take them over and see if it's still unoccupied." Haruhi said and Kyoya nodded.

"You do that, have the bill sent to the club room." Kyoya smiled and Haruhi nodded then turned to Allen.

"I'd get your friends and then we can go back to my place to see about that apartment."

Allen pulled Lavi off the ground and instructed Kanda to follow him. Haruhi sighed and grabbed her bag from the couch. The three followed her out of the club room and through out the hallways of the school.

"Sorry about them, you guys. You'll get used to it, hopefully." Haruhi smiled

* * *

Thanks to Lavi-Usagi for the idea of what should be broken XD


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everybody, it's been a while since I've updated, well...everything. I just haven't had the inspiration and I can't bring myself to write something terrible and for a ship I don't even like. I don't really know why I liked Yullen in the first place anymore, I kinda had the ship shoved on me *cough cough, Lavi-Usagi, cough*. So you'll probably see Lavi x Kanda from me, from now on. I'll work on finishing the fics that I've started if you want. Should I continue this story? I want to know if this fic even has that much of an audience anymore and if it's even good. I bet some of you will leave if I stop writing Yullen, huh? Well, leave a review saying if I should continue it or not.


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